Hmmm... yesterday was our last choir practice for Christmas eve and Christmas day. It was that night that our leader was about to announce who will be pick to go "outstation" for caroling. My heart was quickly pounding because tenor was first to be pick. My heart was crushed when my name was not mentioned. I was blank for a second, and then I felt as if my whole body was about to crumble and collapse. The first thing that came up in my mind is 'WHY WASN'T I PICKED!!'. Sadness, disappointment, rage, confusion was all mixed up with my feelings. Wasn't I was worthy enough to join them??!!..... Am I overreacted? I'm sorry... The thing is.. when I was on form 2 (14 years old), my school was auditioning each interested student to join the choir. I've join the audition for sure. Then the time has come to announce who will be picked to join the school choir. Guess what, I wasn't picked. Then I've join the audition again the next year, and the next, and the next but my name wasn't even mentioned. That leave a very deep scar on my heart and my feelings. So, every time I face the same experience, it would remind me of my past and causes me to mourn for quite a long time. Every time the same thing happens, my mind was always like 'WHY??!! WHY??!! what did i do to deserve this???!!'. The Strong and magnificent voices of people that was pick for the choir was depressing me with the question on my head "WHY WASN'T I WAS PICK TO JOIN THAT VERY AMAZING GROUP OF CAROLLERS??!! IT WAS MY DREAM TO BE AMONG THEM!!". So I left, pretending to be all right. Forcing that fake, ulgy smile on my face...